It always comes at night startling me from sleep. It chokes me so violently that the corners of my vision are set upon with a creeping darkness. Everything is as I have always imagined it would be. She's gorgeous as she lay beside me, the flickering colors of the television make her appear an apparition. We are compatible in every sense of the word, yet for some reason I just can't connect to her. It always feels as though I am watching from a third person perspective. Observing my own life as it goes on with out me. I am unable to bend my own body underneath even the strongest urges to leap from this bed and run until every last fiber of my being has been exhausted and I simply vanish into the air.
On its own my body rises from the bed and exits the room into a dark hallway that seems to go on forever. A light in the distance is my objective, and in that light a table and on that table lies the remedy to this situation...whiskey. A long pull from the bottle sucks me back into my body, though I am still only a passenger. Two more pulls and it is back to the long dark hallway, moving back towards the bedroom door that is illuminated by the light of television.
Back into bed I softly climb as not to disturb her. I resolve to leave tomorrow as I have done every night for what seems like the last six months. I know I will not go but this act comforts me and I sleep. There are no dreams this night.
No comments:
Post a Comment